Fisher-Price is a Bad Influence.

My mom is really awesome.

She recently managed to score a used, Fisher-Price Power Wheel for the boys from one of her neighbors who had a child that had outgrown it.

She called me as soon as she got it, and told me that it was big enough to fit two kids and that it had a huge trunk.

I asked her if it was a jeep. She said it was.

I have seen the Power Wheel jeeps before. At first, since it had previously belonged to a little girl, I had assumed that it was pink.

Oh, no. My mom set me straight and explained that it was a big, BLACK jeep.

Based on her description, I pictured it looking something like this:

Imagine my surprise when my sister dropped this off at my house on Easter:

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Yes. It’s BIG. It’s black.

But it is most certainly Not A Jeep.

My mother may have also failed to mention a few other minor details.

Like the hideous paint sticker job.

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Looking at that really made me start thinking about the people who work in the design department at Fisher-Price.

I mean with all the cool monster trucks out there, you go and model your kid version after this monstrosity?

Really, Fisher-Price? What were you thinking?

I realize that The Grave Digger is one of the more famous monster trucks out there, but for a child’s toy I find it to be…

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hmmm….a bit too macabre?

Maybe it’s just me.

But I’ll let you be the judge. Here’s what I found molded in the trunk of my 4 year-old’s new “ride”:

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Anyone else find this a little disturbing?

Not at all? Maybe that’s because all normal people carry shovels in their trunks.

Yeah, if you’re as normal as, let’s say, a serial killer.

Seriously, would it have been out of the question to make a Power Wheel that looked a little less satanic and a little more like this?

Now that’s a cool monster truck. And it’s so much more kid-friendly.

I think the reason that my mom neglected to mention that she was sending my kids the scariest Power Wheels ever built was because she was more concerned with the fact that the headlights and music didn’t work and that the truck seemed to be running slow.

She told me that I might need to invest in a new battery to fix it because maybe it wasn’t be taking a full charge.

Of course, being the little Miss Handy Woman that I am, I started looking into it immediately. After a little researching, I found out that the lights and the music don’t run off of the main battery, they operate separately off of 3 AA batteries. I took the box with the battery compartment out of the dashboard and unscrewed it to find 3 dead batteries, one of which had exploded, leaving nasty dried battery acid all over the inside.

It took a few rounds of cleaning and a toothbrush soaked in diet Pepsi, but I got the acid residue out and new batteries in and now all the bells and whistles are in perfect working order.

A little more internet sleuthing led me to discover that the vehicle actually has two speeds, and there is a high-speed lockout on the gearshift that prevents beginners from going too fast. I removed the screw that was locking out the fast gear, and the speed problem was (not-so) magically solved.

That means that I don’t need to invest in a new battery.

Custom vinyl to replace all those skulls doesn’t seem like a bad idea, though.

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