The List.

Everyone has one. Ross Geller’s was even laminated.

The list is serious business.

You know, the list of five celebrities that you have a free pass to sleep with if, by some incredible twist of fate, you would actually have a run-in with the famous object of your affection.

Because we all know that Hollywood miracles happen everyday.

So you have to be prepared.

I have a list too. And mine is so unconventional, I just had to share it with you.

Prepare to be amazed…and confused.

Or better yet, completely disturbed.

This is not the list of a normal 28 year-old woman.

1.) Phil Collins


Obviously, if you know anything about me, this was a given.

I’ve been his biggest fan since 1984.

And now that he’s divorced again, I’m a shoo-in.

Boo-yah. Someone to sing me to sleep at night.

2.) Spike (From Buffy the Vampire Slayer)


Long before that pansy boy Edward Cullen entered the vampire world, there was this guy, William the Bloody.

Otherwise known as Spike. (And let me point out here that both William the Bloody and Spike make for much, much better vampire names than lame-o Edward.)

Spike makes my list for a number of reasons. First of all, I should probably clarify that I am not into vampires. Hence why I don’t own a Twi-Dildo. That said, if I am going to hook up with a vampire, it’s definitely not going to be with one of those sissy, romantic vampires, brooding over their lack of a soul and the torment that comes with sucking down human blood.

Those guys are wusses.

And they care way too much about avoiding premarital sex.

Which makes them no fun for lists.

Spike is different. He’s a badass vampire. He drinks blood and he’s kind of a jerk.

Plus, he has no sexual hang-ups.

If any of you have seen Spike in action, you’d know that he plays so rough that he can tear up an entire building while doing the deed.

It’s pretty hot. And the British accent doesn’t hurt either.

Moving on…

3.) Michael Rosenbaum (but only as Lex Luthor)


Okay, okay. So I have a thing for bald guys. And unattainable fictional characters. And men that are, for the most part, total a-holes.

4.) Misha Collins


Just in case you don’t recognize this handsome face, Misha Collins plays the role of the angel “Castiel” on the CW’s Supernatural.

I realize that I have some kind of weird name parallel going on with the whole “Collins” thing, but I assure you, this is purely coincidence.

I also understand how strange it is to completely skip over the obvious choices from that show, because Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki are two very good-looking men.

But they just don’t do it for me the way Misha does.

I love this guy because he is absolutely gorgeous and I love his voice when he talks. It’s raspy and quiet, and way too serious. I am attracted to his rugged Michael W. Smith-ish family man looks and demeanor.

If that isn’t amazing enough for you, I Wikipedia’d him one night for fun and found out that he built and designed his own house and he writes poetry.

Look no further, I have found the perfect man.

And of course he’s married (just like me). Which is why, if I ever have a chance in H-E-double hockey sticks to get with this one,  I need the list.

5.) David Copperfield (circa 1990’s)

Back when he was doing all those CBS specials, David Copperfield was quite the hottie. At least in my opinion.


He had great hair (which, oddly enough strays from my cueball noggin obsession) and he can do crazy things, like make the Statue of Liberty disappear.

Makes you wonder what kinds of kink he could pull off in a dark bedroom…

Just saying.

Plus, the man owns his own island.

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