I came across a blog awhile back that was hosting a very interesting Twilight-inspired giveaway.
Forget for a minute the fact that even though I read through all of the books and have seen all the movies, I hate everything that is Twilight.
Glittery vampires with good intentions just don’t do it for me.
But, they must excite someone out there an awful lot, because otherwise this would not exist:Ah, yep. It’s a Twilight Vamp Dildo.
I know. I couldn’t believe it either. That’s why I had to blog about it.
Not only is the thing as white as Casper (a bonus if you’re into fooling around with not just vampires, but ghosts too) it also has the capability to sparkle in the sunlight.
If that isn’t authentic enough, it also can be refrigerated to mimic the temperature of a romantic douchebag without a pulse.
Seriously, how desperate do you have to be? I can’t really wrap my head around the idea that there are people out there (and just for starters, there were over 450 entries in that blog giveaway) who actually love the idea of Edward Cullen so much that they are willing to buy a silicone replica of his undead manhood.
Just so they can get down and dirty with it.
I think that may be taking your dedication as a fan just a bit too far.
The only ones more delusional are the people who are biting, being bitten and drinking blood because they really, really want to be a vampire.
Those freaks exist too. My dad actually met one in a bar once and she showed him the bite marks on her thigh from her boyfriend. Who had “sired” her.
And to think, this whole vampire craze was ignited by a Mormon.
Which is why those angelic vamps don’t dare have sex before marriage.
Screw Team Edward or Team Jacob.
I found a better team to join.
I couldn’t agree more.