I was googling progesterone injections the other day because some unexpected things came up at my last doctor’s appointment. More on that later…
Anyways, I found a discussion forum on progesterone injections and there were several moms talking about how “crunchy” they were.
It seemed odd that so many women were referring to themselves with such an unflattering adjective. I had no idea what they were talking about. Crunchy is for crackers, not people.
I was a little weirded out. And I had to make damn sure that I wasn’t “crunchy”. After all, what would my husband think if he found out he married a “crunchy”girl? It just sounds strange.
So, I googled it. I don’t know what I would do without that blessed search engine. How did mankind ever survive without it?
Turns out, I had nothing to worry about. I am NOT “crunchy”.
“Crunchy” moms follow an all-natural lifestyle. All organic, chemical free, sew your own clothes, hippie kind of life. There is nothing wrong with that sort of thing, but I am the total opposite of that.
I guess that makes me kinda… mushy.
So, here is why I am a Mushy Momma:
- I love processed food and my kids do too. And they are not obese little monsters. Actually, my youngest is quite the shrimp.
-We watch television. The kids are exposed to a fair amount of Nick Jr. during the day (hey, it’s like preschool on T.V. according to their ads) and I don’t ever feel bad about it. Sometimes Mommy needs to get a load of laundry done.
-I use bleach to clean my whites and my toilets. I use Lysol wipes on every hard surface in my house and I have an exterminator spray for icky bugs every three months. I have a whole (locked) cabinet under my sink filled with household cleaners. Amazingly, even with all the chemicals around, none of my kids are mutants.
-Home birthing is not something I would ever want to do. Here’s hoping that the hospital gets my epidural to me earlier this time.
-My kids get vaccinated. On schedule. Because we don’t like the mumps. Or any other gross diseases.
-I use disposable diapers. I clean quite enough poop out of my not-quite-potty-trained three year-old’s underpants. The thought of having to rinse out poopy diapers too makes me want to cringe.
-I think co-sleeping is insane. As a mom, I never get enough sleep. Letting our kids sleep with us would just rob us of the precious few hours of slumber that we actually do get. I’m not willing to give that up. When we bring home a baby, we do the by-the-bed bassinet thing for two or three months. That is closest we will ever come to co-sleeping. After that, it’s in the crib for a crash course in self-soothing. (It works, both my kids sleep all night long – cue the Lionel Richie song.)
-I drive a van. You cannot fit three car seats in the back of a Prius.
-I could never home-school. I love my kids, but sending them off for a few hours every day sounds like the just the vacation that I’ve been desperate for. Plus, they need to learn how to socialize with someone other than me.
-I love my Baby Bjorn, but my stroller is really awesome too.
-I do breastfeed and I have let both of my sons self-wean (they both did at a year). Although, I will admit that if they continued past that I would have cut them off from the mommy milk bar before the age of 2.
-We have a ton of toys that are noisy and use batteries. And there is freaking plastic stuff all over my house. (All my bottles and pacifiers and sippys are BPA-free though.)
-I’m a total carnivore. Leave the plants for the rabbits.
I know that I can’t possibly be alone in this. Please tell me that someone out there is a Mushy Mommy just like me!
(Just don’t tell my hubby he married a “mushy” girl because I’m pretty sure it sounds just as bad as “crunchy”. Maybe worse.)