If Your Baby Can Read, then My Baby is a Rocket Scientist.

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As a compulsive shopper, the internet may be one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

And it’s probably the worst thing to happen to my husband’s wallet.

What you need to understand is that I have very little impulse control. Especially when it comes to buying things. I am a true victim of instant gratification syndrome and a complete brat. If I want it and we can afford it, I have to have it. Right Now.

It really gets out of control when I buy stuff for the boys. I go out of my way to spoil them.

So when I saw those TV infomercials for the Your Baby Can Read DVD’s, I immediately considered ordering it online.

Who wouldn’t want a little Baby Einstein in the house, reading Hop on Pop today and perhaps the Theory of Quantum Physics by kindergarten? Not to mention how awesome it would be to show off the little genius in diapers to the other moms at the playground with their ordinary, illiterate babies.

Still, I was a skeptic. That’s the one and only thing that keeps me from committing buyer’s remorse on a routine basis. I research what I am buying before I buy it. If I have any doubts, I walk away. I guess that helps keep my compulsive shopping somewhat in check.

I did my homework on this one. I watched the infomercial from beginning to end, I read online reviews and I even talked to my dental hygienist, who swore that it worked with her daughter. I have to admit, her testimony did sway me. I decided I would get it for the boys.

That was last Christmas. For whatever reason, I forgot about it and we never ended up buying the program. That actually worked out in my favor, because the more that I saw the commercials, the more I became convinced that the system had to be bogus. It couldn’t possibly be teaching babies that couldn’t even talk how to read. At the most, maybe these kids were learning to recognize certain words, but there was no way that they were truly reading and forget actual comprehension. It had to be a gimmick.

I was convinced that I was right, until tonight when I logged on to Amazon.com and almost bought the damn thing for fifty bucks. Almost, until I read a few more less-than-spectacular reviews and my skeptic side forced me to remove it from my virtual shopping cart.

Turns out, after a few minutes of soul-searching, I don’t even care if it does really work.

I still won’t be buying it.

My 9 month old doesn’t need to learn how to read. He’s got enough going on right now. He’s learning to crawl, he’s trying to talk, he’s starting to eat solids. I’d rather not overwhelm him.

Besides, I’m not quite ready to give up the privilege of being the one to read him his bedtime stories.

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