Lab Rats.

To all companies that manufacture potentially dangerous children’s products…

Thanks for making my kids your own personal guinea pigs.

At least my babies have survived your freaky experiments, despite the complete lack of regard for their safety.

Ah, and thanks for letting us know that their well-being was hanging in the balance by issuing those wonderful recalls, months or even years after my children were already at risk by actively using whatever death-trap we bought from you. (In good faith that maybe someone at your company had the foresight to do some kind of safety-testing on it. Or trusting that the Consumer Product Safety Commission had at least required you to do so.)

Turns out, I was just being naive.

Since 2007, I have had the unfortunate luck of participating in several recalls.

First, Kamryn had a Simplicity crib, which was recalled after he had outgrown it. The crib had a drop side that could become lose and fall, posing a suffocation hazard to the baby if he/she became entrapped between the mattress and the faulty drop side. Thankfully, ours never failed while in use.
I also want to add that taking apart an entire crib is no easy task and loading it up to take it back to the store is absolutely not my idea of a fun afternoon. Needless to say, Bronx’s crib does not have a drop side.

We also had to return a Simplicity bassinet as part of a recall at the same time. The bassinet had bars that posed an entrapment hazard that could strangle an infant. Like this:
This picture scares the crap out of me! And Kamryn had long outgrown this bassinet by the time that we were made aware of the recall. Obviously, it was a little too late. We are so grateful that we kept the bassinet right next to our bed the entire time he slept in it.

And yet another bullet dodged.

Then Kamryn had a teething rattle that was recalled. I actually had to take the teether away from my son as I was reading about the stupid recall in my inbox. The reason? The lion’s nose can become detached and pose a choking hazard.
08135We sent it back to the company and were given a replacement. Still waiting to see if that one has any removable, easy-to-choke-on parts.

Then Graco announced that the backing on the seat pad of Kamryn’s infant carrier “may be prone to deterioration or tearing, especially after washing. If this occurs, children occupying the car seat may be able to remove the padding material from the back of the seat pad and place it in their mouths, posing a potential choking hazard.” Lovely.
38This actually happened. We washed it (because car seats can get gross, yuck!) and then we caught Kamryn eating pieces of the padding. I tried to cut any semi-loose pieces off the back of the seat pad, and shortly after, the recall popped up. We got a new seat pad from Graco. I’ve washed it and it seems to be holding up the way it should.

You’d think that the fun would be over, but no. More product nightmares came our way. Kamryn’s potty chair was recalled for a lead paint violation.
08119aSee that small, purple rectangle with Pooh and his friends on it? Apparently, that is where all the lead paint is. The company, RC2 Corp, sent us a clear, plastic cover that snaps on over the area in question. A few months after we snapped the “permanent” cover in place, Kamryn ripped it off. Obviously, they didn’t take the fact that destructive toddlers use these things to potty train into consideration. Nice job, guys. I ordered two replacement covers this time around, just in case Kamryn decides to go around pretending he’s Hercules again.

And finally, the mother of all recalls.

I just found out a few weeks ago that the highchair I have owned for over three years has been recalled courtesy of those great folks over at Graco again.
This time, the problem is that the rear leg braces can crack or leg screws can fall out and the chair can unexpectedly tip over, posing a fall hazard to children.
Considering that both of my children have spent considerable amounts of time in this high chair, I find this recall to be a bit troubling. What is more aggravating is Graco’s remedy – a free, but insane repair kit.

It comes complete with a daunting 10-page instruction manual,

some screws, and whatever the hell this thing is.

Thanks for the easy fix, Graco. I’d rather drag it back to the store and trade it in for a completely different high chair altogether. Instead, I now have a small home-improvement project on my hands. You could have at least included some Advil in that convenient little repair kit you sent me.

Bottom line: These damned recalls are getting on my nerves!

I guess I should just be thanking my lucky stars that we don’t own a Toyota. Oh, snap!
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